The Wounds of the Past
by TooPiAr
Summary: It is hard to heal the wounds of the past, but with a little help, nothing is impossible, regardless of how long it takes. A Freddie-centric religious fic. Creddie in the background.


**A/N: Text in italics signify flashbacks. Normal text signifies the present.**

Freddie's footsteps echoed through the empty hall. Each step reverberated around the room, and resounded with louder pitch. He enjoyed the quiet surrounding because it allowed him to think… to reflect and find a solution to all his problems. He learned it from his mother, who would do the same thing were she in a similar situation, or if she just needed someplace to reflect. Though he often found his mother's practices odd, he found it quite amusing that he would end up following her advice. As he paced around the spacious hall, passing through the rows of benches, his mind drifts back to what brought him here, to what brings him here, and why he chose to be here. He walks through the narrow aisles in between the uniformly spaced benches. No one was there, not at the moment, so he wasn't really doing anything wrong.

Towards the end of his high school years, he found himself coming here more and more. As a kid, he'd only come every once in a while. When he reached junior high school, he found himself in the same place every week. Towards the end of his high school life, he was at the same place almost every day. Even now that he's nearing his 40s, he still finds himself going to the same place, pacing the spacious hall, sitting on the uniformly spaced wooden benches, allowing his thoughts to flow freely, reflecting on them and learning something new from it.

Most of the time, he'd think about her, and how she had finally broken him. He loved her, and what she said was weighty on his part. Though it has been nearly twenty years, he still thinks back to it. Just like when he was younger, it still stabbed him in the heart, scratching the unhealed scar that her razor-sharp words had caused. Back then, he would cry when he thought back to it. Now, he'd close his eyes, let the silence take over, and the pain would subside. He doesn't let himself fall to his emotions. He needs to be strong, both for himself and those who look up to him. When he was young, he would run when he got hurt. He would hide from his problems, and hope that his tears would wash away the pain. That's why he's so drawn to this same place. The silence lets him think, reflect and learn.

If he were still a teenager and you told him that he'd end up running to the church when things got tough, he'd have laughed and suggested other options. Now, though, he wouldn't find it funny, but would accept it warmly. He walks towards the altar, and genuflects to the crucifix overhead just before he takes a seat on the bench at the front row. As he stares at the crucified Christ overhead, he notices His facial expression: one of grief. Sure, anyone nailed to a piece of wood would have a similar expression, but he found it quite different. As the thoughts of his broken heart swam through his mind, he notices the sad expression of Jesus' face, as though He could empathize with him; as though He was sorry for the young lad sitting in the front row.

Tears threaten to fall as the memories come back. His heart grows heavy as he recalls those events from long ago…

_The sun shone brightly as the third hour struck. As the lot of students exit Ridgeway's auditorium wearing their togas, one Freddie Benson lingers within the empty hall, sitting at the front row, diploma and medals in hand._

"_Hey," says a voice behind him. It was just the softest of voices, but a voice that was familiar all the same. It was as soft as the slight touch on his shoulder that drew his attention from his stream of thought._

"_Hey, Carly." He replies as she takes a seat next to him._

"_Why so glum?" she asks him "Aren't you glad that we finally graduated?"_

"_Of course I am!" He replies almost defensively. He lets out a sigh and continues, "But don't you think that just as this road ends, another one is about to begin? Doesn't that daunt you? Doesn't it overwhelm you that there are harder tasks ahead of us? I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to handle it. I've never been strong."_

"_If you aren't strong, then how is it that you managed to make through this?" she asks almost quizzically._

"_You're there for me, aren't you?" he replies with a smirk. "You've always inspired me to do things to the best of my ability. If it weren't for you, I never would have made it through all this. So, I have you to thank for my strength."_

_His remarks make her blush, and she (as she always does) brushes his compliments off with some degree of humility._

"_Come on," she counters, "Get real. You got here because of what you can do. It's not because of little old me."_

"_Well, there is some truth to that." He replies, retaining his signature smirk. "But, you can't deny that you helped out a lot."_

_She smiles. He loves her smiles. Her smiles give him hope and fill him with utmost joy. She rests her head on his shoulder and let the silence envelope them. It was so quiet that one could hear a pin fall, and the resulting sound would echo loudly. It didn't bug them, though. They enjoyed each other's company._

"_Hey," he whispers into her ear, "Can you promise me something?"_

"_Anything." She replies._

"_Promise that we'll stay like this? That we'll always be friends? That we can always be here for one another? That nobody can ever come between us?" he asks. Though he may sound desperate, though he can't deny that he is, she knows better and knows that he's sincere._

"_Of course, Freddie. I promise you." She whispers back. They enjoy each other's company for a few more moments, hoping that it doesn't have to end._

Those were the happy parts. While most believed in happy endings, his case was more of the opposite. All he got was pain. As he looked into Christ's face, which looked even sadder than earlier, his thoughts continued to flow; the tears still threaten to fall.

_Two years after High School Graduation…_

"_Freddie, hurry up!" she says, dragging him by the hand._

"_All right already. What's the fuss anyway?" he asks her._

"_There's just somebody I'd like you to meet." She replies bubbly._

_They enter their favorite restaurant and take a seat at their favorite spot. _

"_One second" she says, disappearing from sight. A few moments later, she returns, holding a guy's hand in hers, and they take a seat opposite Freddie._

"_Freddie, this is Nat. We're in the same classes. Well, we're sort of dating right now. Well, we started going out a week ago, but I still thought it proper to introduce you." She says plainly._

_The guy offers a smile and extends his hand. Freddie takes it, shakes it while exchanging greetings and eventually lets go._

"_So," Carly begins again "I was hoping maybe you could use this chance to know more about each other, don't you think?"_

_While he wanted to be courteous, he couldn't bear going through this again, so he politely excused himself and took his leave._

_One year after that…_

"_Hey! You've reached Carly! Sorry I can't pick up right now, but you can always try again later! Leave a message!"_

_After a while…_

"_Hey! You've reached Carly! Sorry I can't pick up right now, but you can always try again later! Leave a message!"_

_After some time…_

"_Hey! You've reached Carly! Sorry I can't pick up right now, but you can always try again later! Leave a message!"_

_It's the same thing through the next few years. She doesn't pick up anymore. After nearly 2 years of trying, surely it wouldn't hurt to try one last time?_

"_Hey! You've reached Carly! Sorry I can't pick up right now, but you can always try again later! Leave a mess-"_

_He puts down his phone and sighs._

He's kneeling now, looking to the crucified man above him. The tears that threatened to fall finally gave way. The crucifix above him, although it was inanimate, shared the same expression as his: one of sadness and agony, albeit for different reasons.

_Another year later…_

_He just sat there… sat on that solitary park bench in the middle of nowhere. He didn't know what he was going to do from that point. _

"_There you are." A familiar voice calls out. "Why haven't you been answering? I missed you"_

_He snorts dismissively at her and replies, "Missed me eh? I could very well ask you the same thing."_

"_I was busy. You know how life is. And besides, I have to spend time with my boyfriend too, you know." She says defensively._

"_So you've been busy for the past three years then? You've been too busy to check your phone every now and then? You've been too busy to even bother calling me back these last three years?" he can feel his anger rising, but there's no stopping it. It's there; it'll have to burst sooner or later._

"_Hey, don't start with me!" she says, her anger rising as well. "Don't you even try pinning this on me or Nat. I know you're not saying anything directly, but I can sense the implication."_

"_Well, I'm sorry if I tend to disturb your overly-intimate moments with your 'oh-so-special' significant other." He chides "I'm sorry if I'm not worth any of your time anymore!"_

"_You're being such a baby about this, you know? Why don't you start growing up?" she says with a tone that's bordering a mild shout. "You have to accept that I have a life too; that I have to spend time with the one I love. I'm not obliged to you, Freddie! I never was!"_

"_I never said you were obliged. Go then! Live your life!" he yelled._

"_Fine!" she retorted, and she turned and began walking away. Just as she was walking, he stood up and yelled, holding back his tears, "So much for promises!" He started walking in the opposite direction, towards the church that had been like his home for so long._

_Once inside, he notices a small black book on one of the benches. He doesn't know who owns it, but he decides to take a peek nonetheless. After mindlessly flipping through the pages, he opens the book at a random page and reads the first passage he glances upon._

"_Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path."_

_He closes the book and randomly opens another page, reading the first passage he sees._

"_You did not choose me, it is I who chose you…"_

_He closed the book, pulled out one of the bench's kneelers, and got on his knees._

He was kneeling on that same spot. He was in that same place where things made sense.

The faint alarm on his digital watch went off, signifying a new hour. People start filing into the church. He gets up, genuflects, and makes his way to the side of the church. He walks into the church's confessional and closes the door behind him. He sits on the chair inside and flicks a little switch on the wall.

He hears the door on the other side open and close. He slides the curtain to reveal the lattice that separates the penitent from confessor. He can only perceive the silhouette of a woman kneeling on the other side.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." The woman said. The voice was strangely familiar, as though he's heard it before. He shouldn't be deluding himself: he knew whom the voice belonged to. The woman continues, "It has been 20 years since my last confession."

Her voice sounded as though she had just finished crying. He knew that tone quite well. He knew that only one person could be on the other side.

"Hush, child." He tells her. "Calm. Don't cry. The Lord will take your pain away."

He can hear a slight giggle from the other side. There was no mistaking it: He knew that giggle. It brought a smile to his face, but he must focus on his duty first.

"What do you find amusing, my child?" he asks her.

"Forgive me Father," she replies, "You just sound like somebody I know… or rather, knew. He was my best friend growing up. I haven't seen him for 20 years."

"I'm sure that friend of yours is… doing fine." He replies in turn, trying to suppress a laugh. "The Lord will guide him. Now, 20 years? Then you've got a store of sins there, my child. What are they?"

"Well, there are just two things. I'd normally say that I'm a somewhat upright person, but there's just two things… three, if you count not going to Mass sinful."

"Go on, my child." He assures her.

"Well, first, a few years ago, I lost something I held quite dear to me… and I'm not even married to the guy I lost it to." She says, obviously ashamed to be revealing this sensitive information to whom she thinks is a stranger.

Freddie is shocked by her revelation. He had known that Nat or any other guy only wanted one thing from her. Now, she's lost it, and he can feel her pain.

"Goodness me," he says, "Why?"

"I—I - …" she tries to start, but her sobs obscure her speech. "I thought he loved me… so I agreed. And he cheated on me."

"Shhh." He says in a calming manner. "It's okay. We make mistakes. We're often overcome by our passions. It's okay. But I hope you've learned not to let passion overcome our reasoning. Now, what else? What's this other thing you wanted to talk about?"

"I… I" she starts sobbing again. "You know that best friend I told you about? I betrayed him! I betrayed his trust. Now he won't even talk to me and it's my fault. I chose a guy I barely even knew over my friend who knows all about me and spent his entire life protecting me. Now, he's gone and I don't know where he is. I just… I just." She breaks down completely, and cries. He had to fight the temptation of going to the other side, hug her and comfort her until she calmed.

"He's loved me all his life, Father." She continues, "And I repay his sacrifice with betrayal and distrust. I won't be surprised if he hates me."

Those particular words stabbed at his heart. Of course he didn't hate Carly. Sure, he was hurt, but he didn't hate her.

"Shh. It's okay, child" he says reassuringly "I'm sure your friend doesn't hate you."

"I won't be surprised if he doesn't." she replies, "He's that great a guy. All those times he wanted to be with me… something more than friends, I wish I could have said yes to him. I know he would've taken care of me."

His heart ached with hers. Now, he knew that it was too late. He was married to the Church now. He was to live his life for the Church. But he knew that he could still guide his friend from where he is, and maybe help her find somebody who will love her as much as he had loved her.

"Now, we can't bring back the past, my child." He begins, "What's done is done. If you ever see him again, apologize, but if he's happy where he is or is happy with someone, you have to let him live. I think he deserves that much. If you love him, then you'll let him be happy."

"That's what he always did for me." She says, "He always put my happiness before his own, even if it means hurting himself. I guess it's time I did the same."

"Good for you, then." He smiles and continues, "Are you sorry for your sins, my child?"

"Of course, Father. What I wouldn't do to undo all of them." She replies.

"Then, as penance, I want you to do an act of contrition and pray the rosary. More importantly, however, I want you to find your friend and talk to him. Sort out any loose ends you may have. I'm sure that, given your description, he'll be more than willing to oblige you."

He closed his eyes and said, "God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of His Son has reconciled the world to Himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; Through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Go in peace, my child."

"Thanks, Father." She replied. Her tone became much livelier compared to earlier. "I'll be sure to tell you how it all goes."

The door on the other side opens, she exits and another penitent comes in.

He sighs heavily and begins to hear his next confession, "In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit…"

After an hour, he finally steps out. On his way home, he passes by that solitary park bench in the middle of nowhere. For old time's sake, he sits down and lets the silence take over, just like he let it so may years ago. As he takes in the silence of the surroundings, he feels somebody tap his shoulder.

"Excuse me," the soft, familiar voice said. "Father?"

He turned to face the person. A wide smile stretched on Carly's face as she came face-to-face with the person she'd been wanting to talk to for so many years.\

"Freddie?" she asks in surprise, "Father Freddie?"

She suppresses a laugh, but then asks him again, "Is that really you?"'

"It's me Carly." He replies, with his old smirk back "the one and only."

"You're a priest! Freddie, why didn't you tell anybody? Wait, do you serve at the parish here? You hear confessions and all?" she asked, with a hint of worry in her voice.

"Carly," he began, keeping a frank tone, "I was the one who heard your confession today. Yes, I serve at the parish here. You have no idea how happy I was to have heard from you again. Don't be ashamed that I heard your confession. Don't worry, nobody else will find out."

"Well, in that case, I guess I better start with my penance." She took in a deep breath, let out a sigh, and continued.

"Freddie, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry if I made you feel second best. I know I made a promise and I blew it. You have all the reason to hate me for it. I know, I've failed you as a friend. I don't deserve any mercy. But, here's hoping that maybe, just maybe, you could find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Carly, I never hated you. Sure, I was hurt for a while, but I got over it. The Lord lent me strength to overcome it. Even before you came to the confessional, I already forgave you. Sure, it still stings and I still cry when I think of it, but I just learned how to move forward. But, just so you hear the words you need to hear, I forgive you. No hard feelings. I still think you're my best friend."

A wide smile stretched on Carly's face. Tears were threatening to fall from her eyes. She stretched her arms open, hoping to hug him, but she remembered that he was a priest now. She asked awkwardly, "So, uhm, is it alright if I hug you?"

Freddie answered the question by pulling her into an embrace. She hugged him back just as tightly.

"I don't deserve your mercy, Freddie," She cries into his shirt.

He whispers into her ear, "May God always be with you, Carly."

They enjoy this moment. It's just like when they were young. Two friends were there for each other at that very moment. Sure, Freddie now served the Church, but Carly was still his best friend and he loved her all the same. They just stood there, letting the silence engulf them, just as they had done so many years ago. Hey relished the happiness they had now, the happiness of reconciliation, because now they had patched up the wounds of the past.

**A/N: Well, this isn't my normal genre of writing, but I just felt so inspired to write this after going to confession. Feel free to review, please keep them constructive, and may God always go with you, wherever you go.**


End file.
